thoughts on a thursday: please ... don't keep calm

i am pretty sure pretty much everyone in the english speaking world (and beyond) has seen this print.

there are numerous variations such as 'keep calm and go shopping', 'keep calm and eat chocolate', 'keep calm and smile smile smile', 'keep calm and love jesus', 'keep calm and don't give a shit' - or my personal favourite 'keep calm and use the force'. 

i think these posters express pretty well the general sentiment of our generation. people generally keep calm.

we keep calm, ignore starvation and keep on wasting our resources.

we keep calm, ignore the climate change and keep on driving big cars.

we keep calm, ignore responsibility and just want to have fun.

however, i believe that by doing that we are denying essential human attributes: compassion, empathy, anger, hunger for change and the respect for our own life as well as the lives of others.

stephane hessel writes the following in his book indignez-vous (time for outrage):

The worst of attitudes is indifference, to say "I can do nothing there, I'l just manage to get by." By including yourself in that, you lose one of the essential elements that makes the human being: the faculty of indignation and the commitment that is a consequence of it. 

They [young people] can already identify two big new challenges: 

1. The huge gap which exists between the very poor and the very rich and that does not cease increasing. It is an innovation of the 20th and 21st centuries. The very poor in the today's world earn barely two dollars a day. The new generation cannot let this gap become even greater. The official reports alone should provoke a commitment. 

2. Human rights and the state of the planet.

he is right - it is time for outrage. -- so, get angry.

get angry about the injustices and absurdities of the world.

get angry about the fact that we can buy clothes that are produced in sweat shops.

get angry about the fact that we waste 4000 litres of water on one steak whilst children in parts of the world die because they don't have clean drinking water.

get angry about the oppression of women and disabled people.

get angry about racism.

get angry about the fact that our society values money over people.

so please, i urge you, do anything, but just don't keep calm. 

words for home

one of the things i miss most about being in germany is speaking german. i have always been a lover of language and of german in particular, and whenever i am here to visit, when i am immersed in this beautiful language i find myself after a few days with my head full of words and verses and so i wrote this poem. for those of you who might not speak german: it is a poem about origins, about belonging and words and what they can change.

hope you all have a beautiful day!

death wish

a couple of weeks ago some good friends introduced me to a rapper called lecrae. 
i spent the last couple of days listening to a lot of his music. 
one of his songs is called "gravity" in which lecrae raps about his yearning to leave this world and to be in heaven.

yeah, every time i think i'm flying
i'm just falling
so close to touching the sky
but gravity keeps pulling me back down
but i can't stay here forever
i want to go, ooh one day
i want to go
somewhere where there's no gravity

i think the wish to not be in this world, in this life anymore is familiar to many people. 
i often feel angry, desperate, helpless when i look at the injustices of this world, when i think about the fact that i will be disappointed over and over again by the people i love and that i will hurt them too. 
living can be tiring and we can come to a point where the prospect of death seems not so bad anymore.

but i think there is a big difference between the desire to not be alive and the desire of being in heaven.
it's the difference between yearning to be dead and yearning to be fully alive. 

in face of all the bad things we have to face every day, it's easy to resign, become numb and tired. 
but i believe that understanding eternity changes our life in the present as we can draw strength from the prospect that we live in the already but not yet, we can hold onto the promise that everything is in god's hands and that we are headed for an infinitely better future.

it's hard out here for a bitch

i stumbled across a quote the other day which said something like

"feminism ends when you meet 'the one', communism ends with an annual income of 25k and atheism ends when the airplane is about to crash."

for me this does not only sound condescending towards other's people's views but also quite uninformed.

i am not an atheist myself but i have quite a few friends who are atheists and their unbelief is not a matter of circumstances but they doubt the existence of god for evidence related reasons. 

and yes, there are people who wear che guevara t-shirts and anarchy stickers when they are 16 and later in their lives vote for the conservative party, but i would not call them communists.

well. and feminism is not about hating men. it is not about being single, or a lesbian. 

feminism is about empowering women, it is fighting for respect and about reclaiming the right to make one's own decisions, to define your identity yourself and to stand against objectification. 

and i don't think a girl met "the one", if he makes her questioning her self-worth and stop wanting others to respect her.

i leave you with this song, where lily allen puts it so perfectly: 

there's a glass ceiling to break, there's money to make,

and now it's time to speed it up 'cause i can't move at this pace

we've never had it so good, we're out of the woods,

and if you can't detect the sarcasm, you've misunderstood.

my life with jesus

lately i have been thinking about testimonies - people's stories how they've come to know jesus. last week i had the pleasure to hear how god broke into the life of a friend of mine and changed him radically. 

i find it really exciting to listen to these stories, hearing how god is moving - today, in the lives of individual people.

well, and so i decided to share a bit about my life and my relationship with jesus. 

i am one of those lucky people who never had to deal with big issues like drugs, abuse or destructive relationships. i grew up in a loving family where i experienced god's love and forgiveness and i made the decision to accept his gift of forgiveness and to love him back at a very young age. since then there have been some ups and downs in my life and also in my relationship to jesus - but looking back i can confidently say that he has always been faithful.

people who know me, know of my love for books and that one of my favourite authors is j.d. salinger.  as a teenager i could identify very well with the protagonists in his stories - i found the prospect of a average, phoney middle-class life devastating. 

think about it: we go to school so we can go to university so we can have good jobs so we can earn loads of money to buy shiny things and then we die - and that's it. 

i wanted more. 

but looking around, i realised that at the age of 16 most people think like that and then still end up leading boring, (in my eyes) miserable lives. 

i thought about this a lot and made me depressed. i couldn't see why i should go to school or to study or do anything for that matter. i lost interest in all activities i used to enjoy and spending time with people drained all my energy out.

this was at a time where i also had to deal with quite a lot of other issues, that simply were to big for me and i started to feel more and more lost. 

i remember a day were i sat on my bed, feeling completely broken and incapable of going on. and as i sat there i suddenly heard god speaking to me. not like a dolby surround thunder from heaven but a gentle, clear voice in my head saying: out of brokenness i am writing history. and for the first time in months i felt hope. 

i had known that the bible promises us a life that is more, that we can have meaning for our lives and that god's love is unconditional and not dependent on me being a 'good christian'. but suddenly this became very real to me. in the moment, where i was so low, so weak god did not reject me but he turned towards me.

since then a lot has changed.

there a still days where i am sad or unhappy about things but i have never again experienced the same desperation and resignation that was so present in my life back then. 

i know that my life has a eternal destination, a goal that is worth living for. and i find it incredibly exciting.

last week a walked down the street that leads to my house and i just felt overwhelmed with joy. 

joy that is beyond circumstances, beyond worries, beyond fear. 

and i laughed, thinking how far i have come - from being broken and depressed to skipping down the street with my groceries. and it is not because of my 'inner strength' or my determination, it is because of god's grace and his supernatural joy and peace that surpasses all understanding.

** if you want to know more about this jesus who has transformed my life please don't hesitate do get in touch! **

future and flamenco

i saw this band about a week ago. the ticket was an early birthday gift my dad gave me.

and as i sat there - being immersed and bewitched by the sounds that were surrounding me - it suddenly clicked.

in this moment it all made sense. suddenly i knew that finding one's way isn't so much about defining the final destination - but more about figuring out the next step - and than the next and then the next. going through doors and doors and doors - without really knowing what is behind.

but every step, every space after every door - in itself is important and full of meaning.

there it was. all the loose ends in my head came together. and i knew what i needed to do.
and i sighed  - with relief and gratitude.

and i realised - that the authour of the most beautiful, magical and most expressive language of all - music -is also the authour of my life. and this excites me beyond words.

what i know at twenty-three

even though i find it scary how quickly time passes, i do love birthdays. This one is particularly interesting. i am at a stage in my life where many things are undecided, many doors wide open, many questions unanswered.
but there are also some things that i do know.

at twenty-three i know...

-that living on your own is hard, sometimes lonely but also fun and liberating

-that being a grown up often means to suck it up, get up and show up (and to dress up, but that's the fun part)

-that even though equal rights for men and women have been established ages ago women still have to fight harder

-that music is one of the greatest gifts god gave to humanity and that almost nothing has as much healing power as folk bands

-that it is okay to sometimes want your mama to make everything okay even though you're strong and independent and grown up

-that feeling beautiful has little to do with how much you weigh or with someone telling you that you are

-that there's nothing sweeter and more exciting than forgiveness and grace that's new every day

-that good friends are worth more than gold.

some flowers i picked with my mum - oh beautiful country life!

best time of the year

one of my favourite things to do is writing. 
when i sit down with pen and paper, that is when all the chaos in my head suddenly makes sense. writing somehow makes me able to express what i think and feel and wonder. the things i experience become more real, deeper, when they are captured in ink. 
when i write regularly, i am happier and calmer. giving outlet to creativity somehow nourishes yet another idea and makes room for more inspiration.
sadly i often don't find the time in the midst of my everyday life to sit down and to wait for the words. 
but yesterday i wrote some haikus about spring, that i wanted to share with you. i love haikus. they are just perfect for a little revision break. 
one in english and one in german...  

again it is the season
that keeps my smiling for no reason
spring

ein regentropfen
lauer wind in meinem haar
englischer frühling

have a lovely, creative, inspiring day! 

dazzled by the sun

to have all of you...

all those disappointments

all those vague hopes - the insecurely uttered maybes

are washed away, are overpowered

by steadfast truth,

and promises everlasting.

a love-hate relationship

like raindrops
that fall heavily, slowly
on a hot and sticky summer day
it refreshes and desiccates
quietly, tardy.
suddenly i open my eyes
and the world has changed
all the confusion, all the pragmatism,
cynicism and resignation
blur, get out of focus.
and i can feel it all again
the beauty of this world
that is so unstable,
that runs through your fingers like sand
and i understand the importance
and i grasp the inspiration
and so just in time
i was reconciled
with the liberal arts
even though i still sometimes wish
to live and work
closer to reality.

new life

via weheartit

the fact that
death is beaten
manifested daily
in my life
because death disappears
out of my thoughts and my desires.

it is all life now
overflowing, radiating.

i will remain
rejoicing, glorifying, thanking
all the days of my life
and than forever more.

randomness, words, emotions.

via weheartit

and it's swelling up
joy and love and fear
inside of her
and she is
trusting, risking,
in her fingers a
nervous tickling
but oh wait
let's breath and refocus
and so she exercises patience.

and i say it's significant.

in these moments
between living and dreaming
when you see reality but only from afar
wrapped in the beauty of the light,
that the newborn day sheds through the window.

when hope is strong
and happiness easy
i close my eyes and know
that all this is not just random
and i utter a thank you
and smile.

between 7 and 8

that hour -- where the sun is still behind the mountains
the air still cool
is mine.
sitting, sipping tea,
breathing.
the day lays in front of me
like an unopened letter
like a white blank page
waiting to be written upon.
peaceful freedom
in this house, in the wind, in my heart.

image: via that inspirational girl tumblr

i'm okay

a couple of days ago i had a conversation with a friend, she blogs too, about writing anonymously. i said it would be easier to be honest. but then i thought, i don't want to hide my feelings, my thoughts. 

i am not ashamed for what i am going through and that i am dealing with most of it through writing.

well, sometimes this thick sadness washes over me, for no reason at all. or for no reason i can see. and then it helps me to write. it is one of my ways to handle the sadness. 

because i can. handle it, i mean. 

so please don't worry about me. 

even though i feel tired, i get up and eat colourful food, 
and breathe the cold air, and play my guitar. 

i honour my rituals, and i savour life. 

it's just a little harder. but it's ok.

via tumblr

flawed memories

sitting on the bus, light is falling through the trees
i am asking myself: is this it? are these the moments i will remember one day
when i am thinking back to college days and being young
i feel the need to write down every thought
cause it is so easy to forget and loose

all those small yet so significant moments
all those words spoken, glances and smiles exchanged
all this music that is like nutrition to my soul
all those books that touch my heart

i want to capture it all
the good and the bad, all the feelings that i have
sometimes i look back
and even those days so full of excitement, freedom, peace and joy
and those deep in pain, desperation, sadness
are now so far away, blurred images, like dreams i can barely remember

i don't want to forget
and i don't want to be forgotten
afraid of oblivion

clashing intentions

it's one of those days.
some people, or some men misinterpret kindness.
and then i feel guilty for being nice.
and i rack my brain
'did i do something that might have given a wrong idea?'
but i do not want to apologise

for laughing at his jokes

and looking into his eyes when he was talking.

and so i am sitting here trying to figure out
what i can do about this unsolved misunderstanding
without losing a friend.
again.

on thinking, ignorance and happiness

'Amighty God! Thou who holdest in Thy hand the minds of men, deliver us from the fatal arts and sciences... give us back ignorance, innocence, and poverty, which alone can makes us happy and are precious in Thy sight'. 
-Rousseau

sometimes i have pity on people who never experienced the exhilarating feeling you get while reading literature, thinking about political issues, and mediating on philosophical questions.
but to constantly scrutinize, question and doubt all things can make one quite melancholic and even desperate. it seems so hard to find answers, to fully understand.
life probably is easier for an ignorant person but not as deep. and i guess melancholy is a price worth paying for the blitheness that arises from pondering about life, love and god.

Heysham

sim sala bim

warme, helle strahlen durchdringen die kalte luft
nach so viel grau nun rosa bäume
geweckt von vogelgesang, der frühling ruft
alles erwacht: lebensgeister, zukunftsträume.

worte in büchern und große ideen
damals in ihren gedanken und heute in meinen
neues erkennen, erlernen, verstehn
und ambition und liebe im gebet vereinen.

Moments

In my room hangs a sign above my desk saying:
"day by day old joy comes back to me" 
It's a line from a Noah and the Whale song.
For the last couple of months this line became my personal motto.
I decided to leave all the bad stuff behind,
to make a fresh start, to learn to love myself.
To shut up those voices
that are telling me that I am not enough.

And suddenly there were so many moments filled with pure happiness.
Feeling the sun warming my face,
admiring the first signs of spring,
being invited to pancake parties,
sitting in tiny living rooms full of people and dogs and laughter and love.
Reading Tolstoi while listening to Led Zeppelin
and let literature and music indulge my soul.

And now I am here
writing
without wondering whether it is good or bad
or what people might think.
Just doing it because
it fills me with joy.

via weheartit