Preparations are well under way (I think - I might just be ignorant...) and I am so so excited. Sadly, right now, I am suffering a sinus infection but hoping to be on top form again for the wedding and honeymoon.
I mean if I get over this nastiness now I won't be ill again for the wedding ... I hope!
I probably have missed some prime opportunities in not posting more about our wedding preparations but to tell you the truth - it is not as glamorous as it looks in the magazine and the pretty blogs. It is super fun but also very stressful - especially when you see your budget getting drained so much more quickly than anticipated.
However. Even though business has kept me away from this space a bit, that is not why I haven't told you all about bridesmaids dresses and decorations and menus and flowers and beauty routines. The reason I didn't is that firstly there is about a thousand blogs on your perfect wedding day, planning schedules and ideas. And secondly, it can divert the focus of the main thing.
The main thing is that Edd and I commit to loving each other for the rest of our lives. And we want to make this commitment in front of friends and family. This is a reason to celebrate and hence the decorations and menus and colourful dresses. But those are all secondary.
We strongly believe that marriage is a gift from God and it represents Christ's unconditional love for his church. In a culture where people are less and less inclined to make commitments to each other, to pursue their individual goals and to avoid responsibility, Edd and I have decided to publicly declare our love, our ongoing commitment and our goal to always put each other first.
Last week my mum reminded me of a blog post I wrote in 2009. This was 2 years before I even met Edd but it has been something that I probably discussed with myself until about the end of 2013 when Edd and I started thinking about getting in a relationship (it took another 9 months from then until we actually started going out but hey, why easy if you can have complicated...). Anyway, in this post I talk about the decision between being single and not being single. The choice between independence and the ability to do what you and you alone want to do or choosing dependence on someone else and accepting that they are also dependent on you, that you should not only take them into account when making decisions but to put their needs and desires before your own.
I am not going to lie - I didn't find that an easy decision and actually really struggled in the beginning of Edd's and my relationship to give up my independence and to really share my life with him, to talk about my fears and dreams and what I was struggling with when usually I am quite concerned with giving off the impression that I do not struggle at all (which is rather foolish). I also had to learn that a partner is different to a friend. You can't really go without speaking to them for a couple of days or to only see them every other week. Relationships really take a lot of time. And for an introvert like me, who likes spending time by myself, writing, making music or reading - that wasn't so easy.
However, quite wonderfully, I experienced that giving up part of what I wanted for myself in order to make Edd happy was really deliberating. Sometimes we hold on to things that are not actually good for us. Equally I have gained so so much more than I gave up. I used to think I would be able to do more if I stayed single but Edd gives me so much confidence, inspiration and energy that I would never have without him. He encourages me and enables me to be more and do more and dream bigger than I could have on my own.
(I am not trying to say that being in a relationship is better than being single. I don't think one is better than the other. Both come with sacrifices and both with benefits.)
This is also quite an interesting lesson for our relationship with Jesus. Often we want to hold on to our independence, we don't want to let Jesus help us, we don't want to do what he wants. But if we eventually give up what we are holding unto and start surrendering to him we experience a freedom never thought possible.
And the freedom and peace and love that we can experience when we know Jesus is far greater than what any human relationship or any independence can ever give us.
I feel this is quite a long-winded post, but actually what I wanted to say is:
- I am in love and cannot wait to get married. I feel incredibly lucky.
- For us, marriage means to be selfless and to put the other one first. This is not easy by any stretch of imagination and I am actually rather rubbish at this. Luckily, I can ask God for his grace, forgiveness and strength.
- Knowing Jesus is even better than knowing Edd (and that says a lot).
The End.
