my life with jesus

lately i have been thinking about testimonies - people's stories how they've come to know jesus. last week i had the pleasure to hear how god broke into the life of a friend of mine and changed him radically. 

i find it really exciting to listen to these stories, hearing how god is moving - today, in the lives of individual people.

well, and so i decided to share a bit about my life and my relationship with jesus. 

i am one of those lucky people who never had to deal with big issues like drugs, abuse or destructive relationships. i grew up in a loving family where i experienced god's love and forgiveness and i made the decision to accept his gift of forgiveness and to love him back at a very young age. since then there have been some ups and downs in my life and also in my relationship to jesus - but looking back i can confidently say that he has always been faithful.

people who know me, know of my love for books and that one of my favourite authors is j.d. salinger.  as a teenager i could identify very well with the protagonists in his stories - i found the prospect of a average, phoney middle-class life devastating. 

think about it: we go to school so we can go to university so we can have good jobs so we can earn loads of money to buy shiny things and then we die - and that's it. 

i wanted more. 

but looking around, i realised that at the age of 16 most people think like that and then still end up leading boring, (in my eyes) miserable lives. 

i thought about this a lot and made me depressed. i couldn't see why i should go to school or to study or do anything for that matter. i lost interest in all activities i used to enjoy and spending time with people drained all my energy out.

this was at a time where i also had to deal with quite a lot of other issues, that simply were to big for me and i started to feel more and more lost. 

i remember a day were i sat on my bed, feeling completely broken and incapable of going on. and as i sat there i suddenly heard god speaking to me. not like a dolby surround thunder from heaven but a gentle, clear voice in my head saying: out of brokenness i am writing history. and for the first time in months i felt hope. 

i had known that the bible promises us a life that is more, that we can have meaning for our lives and that god's love is unconditional and not dependent on me being a 'good christian'. but suddenly this became very real to me. in the moment, where i was so low, so weak god did not reject me but he turned towards me.

since then a lot has changed.

there a still days where i am sad or unhappy about things but i have never again experienced the same desperation and resignation that was so present in my life back then. 

i know that my life has a eternal destination, a goal that is worth living for. and i find it incredibly exciting.

last week a walked down the street that leads to my house and i just felt overwhelmed with joy. 

joy that is beyond circumstances, beyond worries, beyond fear. 

and i laughed, thinking how far i have come - from being broken and depressed to skipping down the street with my groceries. and it is not because of my 'inner strength' or my determination, it is because of god's grace and his supernatural joy and peace that surpasses all understanding.

** if you want to know more about this jesus who has transformed my life please don't hesitate do get in touch! **