Getting married

Today it is exactly 11 days until Edd's and my wedding day. Crazy how time has gone by. A year ago it felt like an eternity but the last couple of months and weeks have flown by so quickly.
Preparations are well under way (I think - I might just be ignorant...) and I am so so excited. Sadly, right now, I am suffering a sinus infection but hoping to be on top form again for the wedding and honeymoon.
I mean if I get over this nastiness now I won't be ill again for the wedding ... I hope!

I probably have missed some prime opportunities in not posting more about our wedding preparations but to tell you the truth - it is not as glamorous as it looks in the magazine and the pretty blogs. It is super fun but also very stressful - especially when you see your budget getting drained so much more quickly than anticipated.

However. Even though business has kept me away from this space a bit, that is not why I haven't told you all about bridesmaids dresses and decorations and menus and flowers and beauty routines. The reason I didn't is that firstly there is about a thousand blogs on your perfect wedding day, planning schedules and ideas. And secondly, it can divert the focus of the main thing.

The main thing is that Edd and I commit to loving each other for the rest of our lives. And we want to make this commitment in front of friends and family. This is a reason to celebrate and hence the decorations and menus and colourful dresses. But those are all secondary.

We strongly believe that marriage is a gift from God and it represents Christ's unconditional love for his church. In a culture where people are less and less inclined to make commitments to each other, to pursue their individual goals and to avoid responsibility, Edd and I have decided to publicly declare our love, our ongoing commitment and our goal to always put each other first.

Last week my mum reminded me of a blog post I wrote in 2009. This was 2 years before I even met Edd but it has been something that I probably discussed with myself until about the end of 2013 when Edd and I started thinking about getting in a relationship (it took another 9 months from then until we actually started going out but hey, why easy if you can have complicated...). Anyway, in this post I talk about the decision between being single and not being single. The choice between independence and the ability to do what you and you alone want to do or choosing dependence on someone else and accepting that they are also dependent on you, that you should not only take them into account when making decisions but to put their needs and desires before your own.

I am not going to lie - I didn't find that an easy decision and actually really struggled in the beginning of Edd's and my relationship to give up my independence and to really share my life with him, to talk about my fears and dreams and what I was struggling with when usually I am quite concerned with giving off the impression that I do not struggle at all (which is rather foolish). I also had to learn that a partner is different to a friend. You can't really go without speaking to them for a couple of days or to only see them every other week. Relationships really take a lot of time. And for an introvert like me, who likes spending time by myself, writing, making music or reading - that wasn't so easy.

However, quite wonderfully, I experienced that giving up part of what I wanted for myself in order to make Edd happy was really deliberating. Sometimes we hold on to things that are not actually good for us. Equally I have gained so so much more than I gave up. I used to think I would be able to do more if I stayed single but Edd gives me so much confidence, inspiration and energy that I would never have without him. He encourages me and enables me to be more and do more and dream bigger than I could have on my own.

(I am not trying to say that being in a relationship is better than being single. I don't think one is better than the other. Both come with sacrifices and both with benefits.)


This is also quite an interesting lesson for our relationship with Jesus. Often we want to hold on to our independence, we don't want to let Jesus help us, we don't want to do what he wants. But if we eventually give up what we are holding unto and start surrendering to him we experience a freedom never thought possible.
And the freedom and peace and love that we can experience when we know Jesus is far greater than what any human relationship or any independence can ever give us.


I feel this is quite a long-winded post, but actually what I wanted to say is:

1. I am in love and cannot wait to get married. I feel incredibly lucky.
2. For us, marriage means to be selfless and to put the other one first. This is not easy by any stretch of imagination and I am actually rather rubbish at this. Luckily, I can ask God for his grace, forgiveness and strength.
3. Knowing Jesus is even better than knowing Edd (and that says a lot).

The End.

Hey there

I feel like these days most of my blogging is apologising for my long time of not blogging. Life is pretty crazy at the moment - but in a good way!

As people might know I started a new job in September which I love, I am still studying for my Masters degree (in Sustainable Development) and Edd and I are about to get married! After the wedding I will move in with Edd. Our house is in Blackpool, where we are part of a new church that has just started. I will be writing more about our church planting adventures later on, but make sure to check out Christ Church Blackpool here.

In fact, today is the day that me and my girlfriends celebrate my last days of "singleness" with a day of fun. (I don't actually know what we're doing, I just have an inkling that some sort of pub will be involved).

Wedding preparations area coming along,  even though there is still a lot more to do - but I reckon that is normal with 4 weeks to go to your wedding?
Also, crazy as Edd and I are, we are not only organising one wedding but two - one in Germany and one in England. I think after that I will be an expert in wedding planning...

Right now, I still feel a bit stressed by it all but most days it is pretty fun to plan those big days where we celebrate our love and the fact that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

So today it is exactly 35 days until our wedding in Germany (and 49 until our wedding here). In an odd way that both makes me super giddy and a bit concerned at the same time - I can't wait for our wedding day but then I think 'what only 35 days and still so much to do!'
But I reckon that is all part of the experience.

Well but for now I am off to my hen do! (Be sure to come back next week for some fun pictures!)

Happy 2016

happy new year everyone! 

i hope you all had a lovely christmas time and a fun new years eve. i spent a lot of time with my family and edd which was really nice.

the first of january is probably my favourite date as it feels like a new beginning, promises new opportunities and smells of new adventures.

i know that many people don't believe in resolutions but i quite like reflecting on what i achieved and what aims i have and what i want to focus my time on. i definitely would like to blog more! let's see how that goes...

a resolution i had last year was to spend more time reading as it is something i really enjoy and that inspires me. and i actually managed to read nearly 30 books (over 10000 pages! - i know this because i created an excel sheet...). one of these books was a biography about dietrich bonhoeffer written by eric metaxas.

i was very impressed by this book and i thought about it a lot after i finished it.
dietrich bonhoeffer was a german pastor and he lived during the third reich. he was part of a resistance movement - it's a long story (you should read it) but he ended up going to prison and was killed by the nazis one month before the war came to an end. he became very famous for his books and he also wrote some beautiful poetry. one of his poems is very fitting for today. it is originally written in german but i found a translation of a some of the verses. i find it extremely powerful especially thinking that bonhoeffer wrote these lines whilst in prison.
i hope it encourages you in these times in which our world seems to be so full of insecurity and threat. how good to know that we have a god who is in control and who is with us.

By gracious powers so wonderfully sheltered, and confidently waiting, come what may, we know that God is with us night and morning, and never fails to greet us each new day.  

Yet is this heart by its old foe tormented, still evil days bring burdens hard to bear; O give our frightened souls the sure salvation for which, O Lord, you taught us to prepare.  

And when this cup you give is filled to brimmingwith bitter sorrow, hard to understand, we take it thankfully and without trembling,out of so good and so beloved a hand.  

Yet when again in this same world you give us the joy we had, the brightness of your sun,we shall remember all the days we lived through, and our whole life shall then be yours alone.

Von guten Mächten treu und still umgeben,
Behütet und getröstet wunderbar,
So will ich diese Tage mit euch leben
Und mit euch gehen in ein neues Jahr. 

Noch will das alte unsre Herzen quälen,
Noch drückt uns böser Tage schwere Last.
Ach, Herr, gib unsern aufgeschreckten Seelen
Das Heil, für das du uns geschaffen hast. 

Und reichst du uns den schweren Kelch, den bittern
Des Leids, gefüllt bis an den höchsten Rand,
So nehmen wir ihn dankbar ohne Zittern
Aus deiner guten und geliebten Hand. 

Doch willst du uns noch einmal Freude schenken
An dieser Welt und ihrer Sonne Glanz,
Dann wolln wir des Vergangenen gedenken
Und dann gehört dir unser Leben ganz. 

Lass warm und hell die Kerzen heute flammen,
Die du in unsre Dunkelheit gebracht.
Führ, wenn es sein kann, wieder uns zusammen.
Wir wissen es, dein Licht scheint in der Nacht. 

Wenn sich die Stille nun tief um uns breitet,
So lass uns hören jenen vollen Klang
Der Welt, die unsichtbar sich um uns weitet,
All deiner Kinder hohen Lobgesang. 

Von guten Mächten wunderbar geborgen,
Erwarten wir getrost, was kommen mag.
Gott ist bei uns am Abend und am Morgen
Und ganz gewiss an jedem neuen Tag. 

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

a very blessed 2016 to you all. 

Tuesday Tunes | Wir sind Helden

wir sind helden has been one of my favourite bands for many years. i saw them live for the first time when i was 13 and have loved them ever since. judith holofernes, the singer writes extremely intelligent, funny and thoughtful lyrics. 

this song i am sharing today only started to appeal to me recently. i have been feeling quite homesick and a bit lost and the words of this song (it is titled 'bring me home') perfectly capture those feelings. 

happy tuesday.

German Sunday | Spaziergang

i love the german word for 'walk' - it is called spaziergang. it expresses more than just walking, it implies leisure. it doesn't merely describe a means of getting from one place to another but it is about walking for walking's sake, without necessarily a clear destination. if i hear someone telling me about a spaziergang i expect deep conversations and being lost deeply in thought, i see green valleys and woods and hear the birds singing. i dream of sitting on a bench with a book and stopping off for a drink or ice cream or cake. it makes me imagine lazy sundays, sunshine or rain and umbrellas.
it is a word that feels like a holiday.

being in your twenties

i had this quote written on my school folder (because i thought it to be original and ironic): 'i know that i know nothing'. i think back then i theoretically understood that as we learn more about a thing, the more we discover the vastness of knowledge that we not yet have. 

today this notion rings more true to me than ever. 
people say things like that your twenties are there to find out who you are and what you want and a time to ask questions and to find answers. i guess there is something to that.
however, so far my experience has been that as i have figured stuff out more, new problems presented themselves to me and one answer held ten new questions.
on some days i find that thrilling -- the idea that i am growing, yeah becoming - that feels important and exciting. other times i feel stressed by not knowing what i should do, how i should prioritise things, how much time i should invest into my friends near and far, how much should i worry about my career, about family planning about taking steps to fulfill my dreams. 
there is this little voice that tells me that really at this point i should know better what i want to do with my life, that i should have a plan, should have the next years mapped out  - after all, i don't want to wonder for years and years what i should do with my life and then never actually do anything. 

as i am writing this i get the impression that all this might be about accepting that mistakes are inevitable and that it is okay to get things wrong. 

and more than that it is about trusting God. to trust when i say to him, "here is my life, i don't know the way,  please lead me"  that he will guide my steps, that he is in control and that my existence is not an accident and that my life won't be wasted.

“it’s never too late to be who you might have been.” – george eliot

“a self is not something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to a child, finished and complete. a self is always becoming.” –  madeleine l’engle

"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future." –  jeremiah 29:11

Tuesday Tunes | James Bay

after some time of absence (writer's block is a thing apparently) i am back with some music i have been listening too lately. i know that james bay is by no means a new discovery but i am finally jumping on the bandwagon!
as i have written about, i ran a half marathon on the first of november and james bay's album chaos and the calm was a great companion throughout my training sessions.
it is difficult to pick just one song so here is two of my favourites:

i find it deeply inspiring how much emotion, how much sound and melody this guy can create with just his voice and a guitar.
hopefully you all have a lovely tuesday!

I'm running a half marathon for Hope for Justice

yes, i'm doing it. in two weeks i am running a half marathon!

 



this might not be very impressive for some people, but to me it is quite a big achievement.
it has been hard work training for it but also a lot of fun and i definitely fell in love with running.

why am i doing this? well, partly it is something i always wanted to do (it is on my bucket list) but also i wanted to raise awareness about a topic that is very close to my heart.

there are more people in slavery today that there have been ever before in human history. according to different sources about 21 to 27 million men, women and children around the world are held in some form of slavery. there are different forms of slavery. in many developing countries there are still structures in place that keep people in serfdom debt bondage. bonded labourers have to work off their debt to their employers, or to middlemen: they may be physically free to leave, but can be blackballed by other employers and landowners.
also, there are the massive, complex problems surrounding severe labour exploitation, mainly affecting migrant workers. desperate to leave their home countries and their desolate economic situations, often deceived by recruiters about job prospects and conditions abroad, migrants are often charged high sums for visas or other transaction costs, travel in dangerous and inhumane ways to their destination and then are made to work for low wages in miserable conditions to pay off debts that are never explained to them. 
there are many stories of especially girl who get forced into sex work, they get deprived of their passports, brought nations in which they don't speak the language and get locked into small hotel rooms for years, made to serve 10 - 20 men a day.

hope for justice is a charity that fights against slavery and human trafficking. their concept is fourfold: first they invest to train frontline professionals such as the police, care homes, doctors and outreach programs to identify victims and/or work appropriately with them. second, they have specialist investigators to identify victims of human trafficking, build bridges of trust with them and remove them from situations of exploitation. the third tier is advocacy - securing criminal and civil justice for victims and making sure survivors have access to housing and health services. fourth is restoration. they work with survivors to overcome trauma and to rebuild their lives.

you can find out more about their work and read survivor stories on the website of hope for justice here.

it would be amazing, if you would be willing to donate some money to hope for justice. i am at a stage in my life where i don't have a lot of money but i am healthy and have to legs on which i can run. if for every kilometer i run i can raise £9.50 i can reach my goal of raising £200. it's only two more weeks so get donating and share about the cause (just click on the image below). thanks for your support! 

German Sunday | Hermann Hesse

hermann hesse was a german-speaking writer and painter. he was born in 1877 in the black forrest (so kind of near-ish to where i am from) and died in 1962. he is quite famous in the german speaking world. i have never read any of his books but have visited a museum of a place where he had lived for a while and personally found him to be quite strange. 

however, my mother, who knows my love for poetry, gave me a book with poems from different authors to my birthday and i wanted to share a poem with you which is written by hermann hesse. 

it is a poem about travelling entitled 'reiselied', which translates to 'travel song'. i thought this to be quite appropriate as i travelled to london this last week which was magical and will embark on some travels to germany tomorrow. 

thank you england

4 years ago today i moved from germany to the uk. (crazy how time goes, isn't it?!)

it has not all been easy but overall it has been an amazing time. i have grown a lot, i learned more about how amazing the living god is, i found a church which i now call home, i got more excited about church planting, i got a bachelors degree and i fell in love with a very handsome, intelligent and funny guy. (to only name a few significant events.)

even though i miss germany and especially my family the uk has become my home and i love this country and its people. 

feels appropriate that on this 'anniversary' i am in london, seeing some of the amazing places and sights of the capital of england.

royal albert hall - i really want to see a concert there now. such an impressive building.
 

view from the tate modern. loved the art but the view was stunning also! was lucky as some random pensioner took me as their plus one into one of the exhibitions that you have to pay for. if you get a chance definitely visit 'the world goes pop' exhibition at the tate modern. so interesting.

on my way to my exam yesterday morning. felt like a londoner in the midst of the rush hour traffic but still managed to be a tourist and take pictures.

after my exam i went to the bank of engalnd museum (i know how to celebrate, right?) and then enjoyed the stunning weather by walking from there along the themse to westminster, than through st james park, past buckingham palace and to victoria station. felt incredibly blessed by being able to see so much of london, being able to linger when i wanted to and to enjoy the sunshine.
london, i'll definitely be back. but for now i am looking forward to going back to my beloved north-west tomorrow!

Tuesday Tunes | Stornoway

exactly one week ago it was my birthday and i had the most wonderful day. started by a run along the canal and the first song i listened to was this. this song oozes so much happiness and it was the perfect beginning to the day and a good motivation for the rest of the week where i did a lot of studying accompanied by many many cups of coffee. 

i listen to this song again today as it is my exam day and i hope that i will describe it as perfect also! wish me luck :)

German Sunday | Rotznase

this week i have mostly spent studying as i have an exam on tuesday. apparently that is not very good for your immune system because now i am in bed with a horrible cold.

according to this theme the german word of today is rotznase which literally means 'snot nose' but is usually used to describe a child that is a bit cheeky. today i feel more snotty than cheeky but hopefully i am soon back to my normal self.

i hope you have a snot free week!

It's my birthday

i am 25 today! happy birthday to me! 

i love birthdays and to celebrate the fact that i am alive. what a privilege and blessing to be in this world with all it's terrible and beautiful parts. i am so grateful to God for all that he has given me especially the people he put in my life: my boyfriend, my parents, my brother, my church family, my friends. there have been many tough and many happy moments in the last 25 years but through none of it all i had to go alone. so thanks to all the amazing people who were there. 

anyway i stop being soppy now.

as 25 years seems like a milestone and i really like that number i thought it is the perfect time for a bucket list! so here we go...

things i wish for and things i would like to do before i am 30 (in no particular order)

1) start every day by talking to jesus.
2) run a half marathon.
3) see noah and the whale live.
4) visit india.
5) get married.
6) open an etsy shop.
7) read brave new world.
8) get a cat.

9) buy a house.
10) figure out how to live a sustainable life.
11) have a baby.
12) visit japan.
13) read lord of the rings.
14) get back into horse riding.
15) buy a meal for a homeless person.
16) help plant a church. 

17) learn a new language (spanish or french)
18) visit iceland.
19) see the tallest man on earth live.
20) get good at playing guitar.
21) join a choir.
22) plant a tree.
23) grow my own vegetables.
24) kiss at the top of the empire state building.
25) sleep under the stars.

hope you all have an amazing day today whether it is your birthday or not. 

german sunday | naschkatze

hallo and willkommen to today's german sunday. word of the week is die naschkatze. i really like this word as it is kind of a cute expression for someone who loves sweets. 

i hope the coming week will hold many lovely treats. 

happy sunday, naschkatzen. 

biodiversity loss, noah, worship

this june i started a masters degree in sustainable development at soas, which so far i greatly enjoy. yesterday i was reading about the topic of biodiversity loss. hunting, over harvesting, uprooting, pollution and other factors (mostly originating from human activity) are resulting in an incredibly fast reduction of biodiversity. e.o. wilson, an american biologist writes:

"even with cautious parameters, selected in a biased manner to draw a maximally optimistic conclusion, the number of species doomed each year is 27000. Each day it is 74, each hour 3."
(wilson 2001, biodiversity threatened. in the diversity of life, p.268). 

in a different article he writes this:

"by and large, religious leaders also lack a record in environmental stewardship of which they can be proud. even though the fate of the creation itself is at stake, very few are committed conservationists."
(wilson 2003, nature's last stand. in: the future of life, pp.42f)

via weheartit

last week  i was in sheffield for the first session of my second year at christ central's school of leadership. the school of leadership is a two year course designed for anyone in some form of leadership in the church or in the wider world. the aim is to give a solid grounding in biblical theology, a deeper understanding of church history, time to consider leadership issues and an opportunity to grow in one's personal calling. (for more information - visit their webpage here).
this week we learned about the pentateuch - genesis, exodus, leviticus, numbers and deuteronomy.
the content of what we talked about is way to vast to depict here however, i just wanted to share one thing that particularly spoke to me.

i assume most of you are fairly familiar with the story of noah.

if not, here is a very brief recap of what happens:

the story starts when God tells noah that he will flood the earth to basically wipe out humanity because the people are so wicked. however, noah is righteous in god's eyes and God wants to save him and his family. so noah build a ship - the ark - and he, his family and a female and male representative of each animal species are saved from the flood. when the flood has ceased and noah and is family disembark from the ark God makes a covenant (which is like a promise or a contract but stronger) with noah.

then God said to noah and to his sons with him: "i now establish my covenant with you and your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you - the birds, the livestock and all the ark with you - every living creature on earth." 
and God said, "this is the sign of the covenant i am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: "i have set my rainbow in the could, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. whenever i bring clouds of the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, i will remember my covenant between me and the earth. i will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures every kind. never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. 

there is a lot that can be said from this, but what impressed me particularly was that God doesn't just promise to have grace towards humans but towards every living creature of every kind.

via weheartit

i am not at the end of my thinking about this at all, but i cannot help but think that if God regards every living organism important enough to speak blessing over, to give promises to, then clearly we should treat creation with respect and care and it should bother us that the diversity of what God created vanishes by every hour.

there is many psalms that speak of creation singing praises to god, for example psalm 96 says:
let the sea resound and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them. then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy; they will sing before the Lord, for he comes. (v.11-13)

what happens if nothing in the seas and nothing in the fields is left? does our careless killing of thousands of species deduce from the worship that is given to God?
i am not sure if these conclusions really can be drawn at all, i might be very wrong making this jump. however, i do believe that it is time for us to consider what it means to be stewards of this earth.

Tuesday Tunes | Matt Simons

                                                             we do not remember days

                                                             we remember moments.

                                                             - cesare pavese

German Sunday I Vorfreude

to stay true to my roots i decided to start a new series dedicated to appreciate the german language and culture: german sundays. 

today i want to introduce one of my favourite german words: vorfreude. it literally translates to 

"pre-joy" and means joyful anticipation. vorfreude is, i think, one of the best kinds of joy. i have a lot of vorfreude for heaven.

this is my becoming.

one summer night in july i was driving home from work and everything felt a bit pointless.

the money i made never was enough, the job i work wasn't showing the best i got and the time i had did not seem like it was well spent - far away away from the fiancé, stuck in a never ending to do list.

despite those feelings i rolled the windows down, and sang along to my head and the heart cd that was playing:

the world's just spinning

a little to fast

if things don't slow down soon we might not last 

so just for the moment, let's be still

singing always cheers me up (i heard it releases endorphins). 

and i remembered a quote by cheryl strayed:

"the useless days will add up to something. the shitty waitressing jobs. the hours writing in your journal. the long meandering walks. the hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people's diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. these things are your becoming." (tiny beautiful things)

sometimes i need to refocus and remind myself of the fact that jesus has a plan, that he is sovereign, and that no time is wasted that is spend gazing upon him. maybe some of you need that reminder as well. 

so there you go: in all things God works for those who love him. 

Tuesday Tunes I Tommy Emmanuel

in june i spent a bit of time back home in germany. one really hot sunday my dad, a good friend of ours and i drove to freiburg to a music festival to see the world's best guitarist (according to eric clapton): tommy emmanuel. 

and i have to say eric clapton did not exaggerate - it was the best concert i have ever been to. despite being sat in a tent in 38° degrees heat the music was so mesmerising that i completely forgot about how much i was sweating. tommy emmanuel is not only incredibly skilled, he has a way of playing that just takes you to different worlds and made me soul soar.

if you ever have the chance to see this guy live - do it.

this is a re-launch

hi! 

after quite a long (summer)break i have decided to re-activate my blog.
if you have visited my blog before you maybe noticed that it has changed slightly. woop woop for my pretty new design! if you haven't been here before: welcome! i am very happy you're stopping by.

if you here for the first time - i thought i'd introduce myself:

i am a 20-something german blogger, living in the uk. my greatest passion is jesus, his gospel and the church. i love music, poetry and knitting. 

last year i graduated from university where i had studied politics, philosophy and economics. 

i love drinking coffee, reading books and being outside. at the moment i am studying a masters degree in sustainable development, training for a half marathon and trying to figure out life as a (nearly) grown up. 

my hope is to blog more regularly in the future and to write about all these different things. 

so make sure you stop by.