at the moment i am on a holiday with my brother in north-east germany. i never been to this part of germany and it is just beautiful. we are staying in a village where around 400 people live. we are surrounded by fields and you can hear no cars, just birds. the only downside is my stupid hayfever. but it is nice to have time to relax and read books that are not related to my degree.
but it is also been weird. after all this business i suddenly have time again to think, to worry, to doubt. and again and again i am haunted by the fear about making wrong decisions about choosing the wrong path. i wonder what it is that i want in life, what it is that i am here for.
and then i think about being humble. that it might not matter that much what i want. what decision i make. but it is not easy to let it all go. and i think of a preach by andrew wilson i listened to recently - and wonder if these worries about my life are not completely individualist. (by the way i can really recommend listening to it - you can do that here)
i am reading "tiny, beautiful things" by cheryl strayed at the moment (read it. seriously, it's amazing.) and one of the things she says is that we often already know our truth. that we have the answers. that deep inside we know what to do, but that often we are to afraid - 'cause the right thing isn't always the easiest.
i read a post by one of my favourite bloggers this morning, anna from little reminders of love. it encouraged me to put my trust in god's plan for my life and the fact that he has it all in his hands.
and i also was reassured that being terrified is probably part of life. i wonder if it gets better when you get older.
I think sometimes you have to let go a bit and try going with the flow. Life has a way of sorting itself out. Perhaps this is God's plan. I don't know. My life has been far from what I expected, but I love it!
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